The pain of losing a baby

flowerLast fall, my husband’s cousin gave birth to very premature twin girls. They were tiny and beautiful and the hope of their little family.  Sadly, one of the girls died after six days.  Her sister has been fighting an astonishing fight in the NICU for the past seven months and is coming home this week. While we all are thrilled at her pending arrival, we are painfully reminded each day that she is coming home alone.

The death of a baby is so unfair. Babies aren’t supposed to die. Some days our cousin is overwhelmed by her feelings of loss.  In the midst of this sadness, the family has found a caring friend and support through the March of Dimes

The March of Dimes has written a booklet called From Hurt to Healing to help families understand their grief. It explains grief and how men and women grieve differently. It talks about how to deal with your feelings, tells you how to ask for help, how to deal with family and friends, how to help other children understand. And it suggests ways to remember your baby. Two other booklets, What Can You Do? and When You Want to Try Again are part of a packet the March of Dimes offers free to bereaved parents who have suffered a loss. We hope our booklets, fact sheets, and list of resources help parents find ways to heal and think about the future. I know they have helped our cousin.

Our bereavement materials are available in English and Spanish.  If you would like to have one of these helpful and free kits, please send an email requesting it to the following address: Be sure to include your complete mailing address.


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14 Responses to “The pain of losing a baby”

  1. Christie Says:

    Thank you for sharing this. I will be asking for a kit… I lost a pregnancy at 16 weeks in Dec.

  2. Teressa Says:

    I lost a baby back in 2004 due to a medical condition. I was 18 weeks pregnant when I found out that she had this condition. It was called a CCAM. I tried everything to save her but it just was not possible. I delivered her at exactly 24 weeks. I watched them stop her heart and then I ended up delivering her still-born. I do admit that it was tough when I lost her but I realized that if god wanted me to have another child that he would grant me one.
    March 15th is the anniversary of her death. There is not a day that goes by that I do not think about her. I am blessed though because a year to the date that I lost her I got prenant with my oldest son. He is a true blessing because he has problems with ADHD and behavior issues. I also have 2 other children who are happy. I am greatful for the experience that I was given with my daughter and the nurses and everyone who was involved with her. I was 19 when I had to make the decision to end my pregnancy with her but I would do it all over again just to make sure that a child would not have the problems that she would of had.

  3. Daniella Castro Says:

    you should publish this link at the TTTS foundation website in facebook- I have survivor TTTS twins but there are so many mothers that have experienced TTTS that have lost either one or both babies- this will be a great resource for them to cope

  4. Misty Collins Says:

    I just read on the March of Dimes blog about the kits that are offered to parents of infant loss.  We lost our Logan in November 2010 at 25 weeks due to preterm labor and complications in the NICU.  I was offered very little information, and as each day passes, I feel the distance even more.  I’d really like one of these

    Thank you for all you do to raise awareness, provide resources, and help keep families together!

    Mom to an Angel Baby

  5. Misty Says:

    I am the mother of a beautiful Angel baby boy, Logan. He was born at 25 weeks 2 days due to short cervix and preterm labor on October 28, 2010. He fought hard in the NICU for 11 days.

    The information for parents of a loss is very limited. I was given minimal information but was forced to do alot of research. This is a secret club no one talks about. I would really like this kit! Each day that passes only puts more distance between me and the few precious memories I have with my little one. No one talks about this kind of pain….

    Thank you for all you do to support awareness and resources for parents of a loss or NICU!

    Momma of an Angel Baby

  6. Tracey Says:

    I lost my daughter, Kali on June 13th, 2009. She was born 10 weeks premature with multiple birth defects. She lived for 9 weeks and 1 day……the best days of our family’s life. She was a blessing and a beautiful child. I miss her very much.
    The death of a child is a pain that never heals. The burden you carry following a loss gets easier to carry with time, but it is one wound that time never heals.

    The blog I kept before her birth, during her life, and after her devastating death can be found at

    Kali Alexa Deitzler 4/10/09~6/13/09…….we miss and love you baby girl!!!

  7. Kim Ellis Says:

    Thank you for posting about these materials. It’s been just over 20 months since delivering my twin girl at 22 weeks. I delivered her twin brother 6 weeks later. He spent 10 weeks in the NICU. The emotions are so hard even after this time. I hope that myself and others can find some guidance in the booklets and help our healing.

  8. Lindsay Says:

    A few of you have said you have received error codes when trying to order the kit. Thank you so much for bringing that to our attention. We are working on the glitch. In the meantime, please send your name and address with your request to Someone from our Education Center will mail a pcket to you.

  9. Jessica Says:

    My husband and i had twins last february and lost one after 16 days.. It is still hard everyday. One of the hardest things is when people we dont know ask how many kids we have.. I want to say two but then it’s hard when they ask how it is having twins and how old they are etc… i never will forget my sweet angel and she is with me everyday.. i hope your family feels love from all around as they go through this life long trial of loosing a child..

    thanks for sharing.

  10. Lindsay Says:

    Jessica, thank you for your kind words. I’m very sorry for the loss of your daughter and wish you some peace with all of this as time goes by.

    I have known parents who have answered the question of “How many children do you have?” with a simple, “Two, one in Heaven and one here who is two years old.” It seems to them to answer the question truthfully without inviting those follow-up questions. But it’s different for everyone.

  11. Susan Erskine Says:

    In 1970 I gave birth to a sweet baby boy named Jody. He was 2 months early and they did not save babies in those days. There were no support groups, the Dr. was not even compassionate. Jody only lived for a few hours and I begged the Dr. to take me off the maternity floor. You stayed in the hosp. for about 3 days then and I would just go into the bathroom and cry when they brought the babies out to feed. I am so very happy that this website is here to help women in their grief. There is a saying–“when a woman loses her husband, she is a widow. When a man loses his wife, he is a widower, but when a woman loses a baby–there is no word for that”. I never had any other children, but I do have an angel waiting for me. It’s been 40 years and I still cry sometimes.

  12. patrys Says:

    Shalom this is a great loss as i felt last year.This will be a moment of happiness to ma as it was a day when an Angel came to my sight.She opened her eyes immediately after giving birth to her.The beauty i saw with her was quite great and my heart could not hold that lose.A daughter had prayed God to give me He gave on a morning tuesday on 17th day of April 2012.At around 6pm the nurse called me after a time harrassment by trhe nurses at the hospital was my pain bit.She pronunced to me that Angel has gone to heave.That was my blaming moment to God as it was not fair to me.Today there is no day which passes not remembering and mensioning her in my life.Angel I LOVE you.Am looking forward for another daughter when Gods time comes.

  13. Stacey Erasmus Says:

    Hi Ladies…

    I lost my baby girl a few years ago…and I feel as though the pain is getting worse instead of better….I feel like I am drowning more and more each day in the memory of the life I once had….I have no energy left in me to keep pretending like she never existed….I feel like I am losing grip of my ability to move on without her…What do I do???

  14. Lindsay Says:

    Stacey, I’m so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I’m sure the pain of losing her makes coping difficult. There is no set amount of time to grieve and it’s different for each of us.

    Some times we need help in coping with our grief. It’s OK to ask for help. Tell your health care provider if you think you might need help with depression. Sometimes joining a grief support group is beneficial, but they’re not for everyone. Sometimes a counselor or pastor works better – there is no right way. It’s up to you to decide what’s comfortable and what will be best for you.

    Some parents have found our online community called Share Your Story to be very supportive. You can create a blog, ask questions, connect with others who have been through a similar experience and find out what benefitted them. You can get to Share through this link:

    The March of Dimes has created lovely and sensitive materials for parents who have suffered a loss. If you would like one of our free bereavement kits, please send us an email requesting it to and we will gladly mail it to you.

    I’m thinking of you and wishing you peace. – Lindsay