In honor of National Infertility Awareness Week, we are grateful that one mom shared her story with us. We hope that her journey will inspire others who may be on this path.
Infertility is a journey. And every journey looks different. Some end in happiness and some do not.
In early 2015, after 3 years of trying to get pregnant, my husband and I found out that we were expecting. After all of the roadblocks we had hit along the way, hearing, “you’re pregnant” was surreal. The pregnancy was not without challenges, and I was extremely paranoid that we would somehow lose this baby. I am happy to say that my son was born healthy at 38.5 weeks, albeit with a nearly week long NICU stay. But, this happy ending came after a journey of twists and turns and more downs than ups.
I’d wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. . . That sounds so cliché, doesn’t it?
We were young and had only been married for a couple of years when we decided to start a family. We were so naïve and full of hope! I went off my birth control and started actively trying to have a baby. I read everything I could about getting pregnant and started charting my cycles.
When my cycles went from the perfectly timed 28 days to 60 and 70 days, I knew something was off. I did some reading and thought I might have polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). (The beauty and danger of the internet!) PCOS happens when you have hormone problems along with cysts on the ovaries. I bought a book, went on a diet and started exercising. I learned everything I could about getting pregnant with PCOS and did my best to take control of my body.
After 6 months of trying to conceive with no luck, my doctor examined me, ran some tests (blood and ultrasound) and confirmed the PCOS diagnosis. She told me that she could write a prescription for Clomid to try and stimulate ovulation. But, she said that before I could start on the Clomid, my husband needed to have a semen analysis. (A large number of infertile couples have both female and male infertility issues, and they don’t want to unnecessarily medicate someone.)
To say that my husband was less than thrilled would be an understatement. It took me a few months to convince him to go for the test. He finally went and when we got the results back we were devastated. His sperm count was very low and the chances of conceiving on our own were basically zero. The doctors told us that they might be able to treat my husband and me, so that we could conceive. Little did we realize that this was just the beginning of years of doctors’ visits, but nevertheless, we jumped in with both feet.
Dealing with infertility can be all-consuming (at least it was for us). I would wake up and go to sleep thinking about it. There was never down time for my brain. I would see a pregnant woman or a couple with a baby and I would feel jealous, angry and sad. Hearing that other couples got pregnant without even trying was overwhelming. . . And the medical bills were never ending. Our insurance didn’t really cover any of our treatments so we paid almost all of it out-of-pocket. We were saving for a down payment on a house when we started trying to have a baby. And after the fertility treatments we were back to square one.
Through all of the doctors’ visits, blood work, ultrasounds and shots, I kept up the hope that someday I would be a mother.
Now that we’re 6 months into being parents, I can say that I am thankful for my son every day. The first couple of months were incredibly challenging, and the idea that “maybe I wasn’t meant to have kids” crossed my mind frequently. But, I now revel in time spent with my son.
Although at the time, it seemed that the process of trying to conceive was going on and on, with no end in sight, I can say now that it is becoming a distant memory. The intense joy my husband and I feel every time we see the smile on our son’s face or see him hit another milestone, fills me with happiness and pushes the difficult journey of how we got here into the background.
I am sending baby dust to everyone out there struggling with infertility.
Please feel free to share your thoughts or personal story below.