Posts Tagged ‘infant loss’

Pregnancy & Infant Loss Remembrance Day, a personal story

Monday, October 15th, 2018

Today’s guest post is Stacey Skrysak. Stacey Skrysak is a television news anchor & blogger based in Illinois. She is a mother to a 22-weeker surviving triplet and two children in Heaven. Through her experience, Stacey has become a voice for premature birth and child loss, all while sprinkling in the trials and tribulations of raising a preemie who was once nicknamed the “Diva” of the NICU. 

It’s a club no parent ever wants to be part of. Yet one in four women will experience the heartbreaking loss of a child, whether it’s through miscarriage, stillbirth or infant loss. We are mothers, fathers, survivors. We are the parents who have the tricky task of learning to spread our love between Heaven and earth.

It’s something you never plan on. After years of infertility, my husband and I were shocked and overjoyed as we found out we were expecting triplets. I knew I faced a high-risk pregnancy, but I never imagined that losing a child could become a reality. As I basked in the glow of three babies growing within me, doctors kept a close eye on me. I did everything by the book, yet our lives forever changed when I went into labor at just 22 weeks gestation. Nothing prepares you for the moment you meet your baby, only to say goodbye hours later.

Our firstborn baby passed away two hours after birth; our son died 55 days later, never seeing life beyond the hospital walls. Within two months, two of our triplets were gone. We were left balancing the grief with trying to stay strong for our survivor, who faced an uphill battle in the NICU.

In the early days of my losses, I felt alone. It wasn’t that people didn’t reach out to offer support. Instead, I shut myself off from the world. I didn’t want to explain the traumatic events that unfolded, and I didn’t want to talk about my babies. I felt like a failure. Two of my three children had died, their premature bodies simply born too early to survive. The guilt overwhelmed me, while my sadness consumed me.

But, as my surviving triplet grew stronger, so did my inner strength. I couldn’t live my life wondering, “Why me?” I pored through my voicemail, emails and other messages and found a support system that spanned the globe. What surprised me the most was the number of people who, like me, experienced a loss. Strangers shared their experience of having to bury a child. Childhood friends reached out to me to share their devastating losses from miscarriage and stillbirth.

Peyton and Parker

I quickly realized, I am not alone.

It’s been more than five years since two of my children died, and while there are still moments of deep heartache, I have found that grief changes over time. These days I find myself in a good place; full of happiness and love as I look at my beautiful daughter, while finding ways to honor and remember her brother and sister in Heaven. Life doesn’t always go as planned, but through my losses, I have found new purpose in life. My triplets taught me to live life to the fullest, for you never know what tomorrow may bring. And while I joined a club no parent ever wants to be part of, I am forever grateful for this group that shares a common bond. I am a mother of triplets, one in my arms and two in my heart. And thanks to others who reminded me I am not alone, I have found life after loss.

  • Visit Share Your Story®, our online community where families who have lost a baby can talk to and comfort each other. Sharing your family’s story may ease your pain and help you heal.
  • Visit our new Wall of Remembrance, a space for parents and loved ones living with loss to pay tribute and share their story.

Grief: Do men and women grieve differently?

Friday, October 5th, 2018

The loss of a baby is one of the most painful experiences that can happen to a family. October 15 is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Day, a day to dedicated to recognize and support moms and families who have lost a baby. If your baby died during pregnancy or after birth, you and your partner need time to grieve.

Everyone grieves in his own way. Men and women often show grief in different ways. Even if you and your partner agree on lots of things, you may feel and show your grief differently.

Different ways of dealing with grief may cause problems for you and your partner. For example, you may think your partner isn’t as upset about your baby’s death as you are. You may think he doesn’t care as much. This may make you angry. At the same time, your partner may feel that you’re too emotional. He may not want to hear about your feelings so often and may think you’ll never get over your grief. He also may feel left out of all the support you’re getting.

Women have a special bond with their baby during pregnancy. But men may not feel as close to their baby. Men don’t carry the baby in their body, so the baby may seem less real to them. A man may become more attached to the baby later in pregnancy when he feels the baby kick or sees the baby on an ultrasound.

In general, here’s how women may show their grief:

  • They may want to talk about the death of their baby often and with many people.
  • They may show their feelings more often. They may cry or get angry a lot.
  • They may be more likely to ask their partner, family or friends for help. Or they may go to their place of worship or to a support group.

In general, here’s how men may show their grief:

  • They may grieve by themselves. They may not want to talk about their loss. They may spend more time at work or do things away from home to keep from thinking about the loss.
  • They may feel like they’re supposed to be strong and tough and protect their family. They may not know how to show their feelings. They may think that talking about feelings makes them seem weak.
  • They may try to work through grief on their own rather than ask for help.

It’s OK to show your pain and grief differently than your partner. Be patient and caring with each other. Try to talk about your thoughts and feelings and how you want to remember your baby.

If you or someone you know has lost a baby, visit our online community, Share Your Story. This can be a place of comfort and support for grieving families.

Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day

Friday, October 13th, 2017

The loss of a baby is one of the most painful things that can happen to a family. If your baby died during pregnancy, in the first days of life, or even as an infant, you and your family may need support to find ways to deal with your grief and ease your pain.

October 15th is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day – a time to pause and remember all angel babies.

It is important to know that parents and families are not alone in their grief. Connecting with others going through the same or a similar situation can help you process your grief. We invite all families to share and connect in our online community Share Your Story. The families in our community know what you are going through and can offer support during this devastating time and in the days ahead.

We provide resources that may help you understand what happened and how to deal with the daily pain of your loss. We encourage you to visit our website if you are looking for resources for families that have lost a baby or ways to remember your baby.

Loss affects entire families every day, in different ways. Read one heartfelt story of loss as seen through the eyes of a sibling.

The March of Dimes is so very sorry for your loss. We are here for you.

Upcoming chats in November

Friday, October 25th, 2013

texting2We have pulled together a calendar of Twitter chats @MODHealthTalk for Prematurity Awareness Month. Mark them on your calendar and then come join us.

 

11/1 – Infant and baby loss, 9 PM ET. #losschat
11/7 – Bed rest with Keep ‘Em Cookin, 1 PM ET. #pregnancychat
11/14 – Going home after the NICU, 1 PM ET. #NICUchat
11/16 – Parenting in the NICU, 1 PM ET. #worldprematurityday (Part of the World Prematurity Network relay)
11/17 – Birth stories. World Prematurity Day, anytime all day. #birthstories.
11/20 – Early intervention: how to get help for your child. 1 PM ET. #preemiechat